One of the most common things I ask people when they come to me for advice is "do they know that you feel like that?" The most common answer? "No." Why is it then, that we feel the need to keep our feelings to ourselves, and is it time we changed that?
I recently got back in touch with a friend who I had some unresolved feelings towards. We had a very honest talk, and by talk, I mean he asked me what my interest in him was when he was pissed, and I gave him a dissertations worth of heartache that I've been feeling for the best part of 4 years. I'm not going to lie to you, part of me wanted to brush off the question as a drunken mistake and wind him up for not being able to handle his drink (he later informed me that it was the worst hangover of his life - how much of that I believe is for a different day). But the truth is that nothing will ever happen if he doesn't know how I feel. It might be that nothing ever does, but at least I don't have to think about what would have been if he knew.
I have seen multiple friends break down. It's not an easy thing to do. What I find the hardest thing to comprehend is how much some of these breakdowns have caught me completely off guard. A selfish point of view perhaps, but everything up until these points has seemed to be fine. No red flags, no areas of concern, no reason to even be worried. Then bam. And every time I have asked how long this person has been feeling that way, they always tell me "for a while". Maybe I just find talking easy (I am a Gemini, after all), but I don't know why you wouldn't reach out if things were getting bad. Maybe we should be checking in more to stop feelings being bottled up in the first place.
Sometimes the hardest part about talking about how you feel is not actually having that conversation, it's finding the words and reasoning to express how you feel. Are you really cross with that person, or are you upset because you lead yourself to believe that there was more than there really was? Are you actually sad, or just not happy right now? Is there even a word in the English language for how feel? There is nothing more frustrating than wanting to talk to someone and not being able to find the right words when you get down to it. If that is the case, a little introspection will do you the world of good. Working out what your feelings are directed at, then working out why they are directed that way and thus, why you feel like that can be a lot easier when you've only got yourself (or a diary) to explain them to.
I am, and always will be, a fan of creating an open dialogue. I think it's important that my friends know how I am doing, and I them. It's about time we all got a little more honest with our feelings, both within ourselves and with those around us. So start putting the kettle on, get the biscuits ready, and ask how you're really doing.