Earlier today I had a counselling session. It had gone really well and I was quite proud of myself. But then at the end, my counsellor said something that any person who is open about their trauma will be irritated by. "You are so brave."
Now, don't get me wrong - anyone who has been through trauma and come out the other side shows huge personal strength and courage beyond imagination. They are not weak by any means. That does not mean that you should chuck that phrase at everyone who opens up about it. It comes across as unbelievably condescending and like you couldn't think of anything to come up with, so said the first thing that came into your head.
Furthermore, in some situations, their is actually no bravery involved. No one chooses to go through these things. No one goes out on the hunt to get raped. No one goes out looking for a natural disaster to live through. No one chooses to lose a baby. Unsurprisingly, it's not really a done thing. These things happen with little personal control involved more often than not. I am not brave for going through something I didn't get a choice in. I am strong for being able to come out the other side. I am compassionate towards those who have been through these terrible things. I am powerful for being able to talk about these things and help others with what they are dealing with, whilst coping myself. But one thing I am not is brave. Not for this anyway.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am the only one who doesn't like that "compliment". Maybe when talking about trauma, we need to be a little lazy in our responses. Maybe we should be expecting more from those we share our experiences with. Maybe "brave" isn't good enough anymore.